


So now you know

by castiels_playdoll



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Just a little bit of Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, keep a bucket near because you'll probably be puking rainbows after reading this, mentions of Dean with others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:39:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3800608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiels_playdoll/pseuds/castiels_playdoll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They have been college roommates for years when Dean finds out Castiel's big secret and Castiel is sure it will destroy their friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So now you know

**Author's Note:**

> Can there ever be enough of the "thought you were straight so I never did anything about this huge gay crush I have on you" -cliche? Apparently not since I felt the need to write another one of those. Sorry not sorry.

"Cheer up Dean! She obviously didn't recognize _good_ when she had it, it's her loss not yours." Cas said as he sat down next to his sulking roommate on his bed.

"You always say that but I'm not so sure if it's true." Dean smiled weakly and turned to look at Castiel.

"It is, you are a good man Dean Winchester and anyone would be happy to have you." Cas said and smiled. He wanted to take Dean's hand or put his own hand on Dean's shoulder or just something, anything. But he didn't dare to touch him so he kept his hands on his own lap. Dean sighed and the sadness in his eyes broke Castiel's heart. He couldn't understand all the women Dean had been dating in the last two years. Who would leave Dean once they had him? Were the girls completely crazy? Dean was the best anyone could ever have, he was perfect in every way and Cas would give anything to be able to call Dean his.

"Well apparently she wasn't." Dean breathed out a humorless chuckle and turned to look down to his hands. Cas couldn't handle Dean like this, Dean deserved to be happy and deep inside of him Cas hated the girl who had made Dean sad.

"Well then she was an idiot and didn't deserve you to begin with! You'll find someone who appreciates you, someone who would love to be with you. And you know, I have this feeling that that person might not be that far away." Cas said and looked at Dean pointedly. Once again Dean was completely oblivious to Cas's look.

"You mean Lisa? Yeah, I've noticed her looking at me like that. Maybe I could ask her out to go see a movie or something. Thanks Cas, you are a great friend!" Dean smiled and got up from the bed, patting Castiel's shoulder in a very friend-like way. "I'll go get some fresh air, I've had enough of these walls already. See you later Cas!" Dean waved from the door before he was gone.

Cas let out a deep sigh and leaned his elbows to his knees and pressed his face into his hands. "I meant me." He breathed out a whisper to the empty room.

Dean dated Lisa for a month until they broke up and Cas found himself once again sitting on the side of Dean's bed, telling him that it was her loss, not Dean's and that anyone would be happy to have him. _I would be happy to have you_ , he thought but didn't say it out loud. He could never say it out loud, not to Dean. 

They had been roommates since the first week of college and they had become great friends over the years. Of course the first thing Cas had noticed about his roommate was his gorgeous face because how could he not notice it, the guy looked like a model. The next thing he had found out was that Dean was also a great guy. He was funny and laid back but also caring and sweet and he loved to help other people whenever he could. Dean had a big heart and Cas hoped that even a small part of it would beat for him the same way Castiel's whole being was beating for Dean. It didn't take long before Cas was madly in love, head over heels for Dean Winchester. The very straight Dean Winchester who called Cas "bro" or "pal" or "buddy" all the time.

"Maybe you should take a break from dating? For a while?" Cas asked and Dean flopped on his back on the bed, staring right up to the ceiling.

"Hmh, you might be right. Girls are so hard! I could just chill for a moment, hang out with the guys." Dean said and nodded to himself.

"I could take you out to get coffee." Cas offered and Dean turned to look at him with a teasing smirk on his lips.

"That sounded like you were asking me out on a date Cas." Dean said and cocked an eyebrow. Cas's eyes widened and he could feel his cheeks heating up.

"I uh... Umm.." _Shit shit shit_ what was he supposed to say to that? Cas tried to think all the possible scenarios what could happen if he would say that _yeah, a date_. Dean could get mad and beat the shit out of him, Dean could get scared and move out, Dean could make Cas move out, Dean could--- Cas's thoughts were interrupted by Dean's loud laughter.

"Dude, chill out I was joking! You should have seen your face!" Dean laughed so hard that he almost folded in two, holding his stomach as he squirmed on the bed. Cas turned to look away and forced a fake smile on his face.

"Yeah I knew that." Cas said, biting back the bitterness in his voice and gulping down the sudden disappointment. Dean sat up on the bed and slapped a hand on Cas's shoulder.

"Sure you did. But coffee does sound great, let's go!" Dean pushed himself up by Cas's shoulder and took his wallet from his nightstand and moved to the door. "Dude, you coming?" Dean turned to look at him when Cas hadn't make a move to get up.

"Of course." Cas got up and took his keys and wallet and followed after Dean as he left the room, pulling the door closed behind them.

They went to a small coffee shop close to the campus and they both got big mugs of coffee. They took a table and sat down on opposite sides of each other. They talked about school and classes and that one pain in the ass essay neither of them had yet managed to finish when Castiel's phone vibrated in his pocket and he ducked it out.

_"Hey Cas where are you?"_ It was from Charlie, Castiel's best friend and the only one who knew about his feelings for Dean and that was only because somehow she had just _known_ without Cas even telling her. Cas was pretty sure Charlie had some kind of weird sense for those kind of things.

_"At a coffee shop with Dean."_ Cas texted back.

_"WHAT? ON A DATE? Finally!!"_ Charlie messaged and Cas almost rolled his eyes to the text.

_"No! Just as friends, I'm offering a shoulder since he got dumped again. Just being a good friend."_ Cas typed back. Dean was looking at him.

"Who is that?" Dean asked. Cas kept his phone on his lap.

"Just a friend." Cas said and took a sip of his coffee. Dean leaned back on his chair and smirked at him.

"Oh, a friend. I see. Is she hot?" Dean asked and lifted one eyebrow. This time Cas did roll his eyes.

"She is literally just a friend." Cas said and felt his phone vibrate again.

_"So you still haven't confessed your big gay crush to him? Come on Cas, just tell him! I have a feeling Dean would be happy to hear it. You know, more than happy ;)"_ Cas started to type an answer when suddenly Dean leaned in and snatched the phone from his hand.

"Let me see that friend of yours!" Dean said as he took the phone. Cas pretty much panicked and tried to get his phone back, almost flipping the table over as he jumped towards Dean from his seat. "Ha! Totally not just a friend when you freak out like that!" Dean laughed. Cas didn't manage to get his phone back but he did manage to press the small button on the top of the phone that locks the screen.

"Dean give it back!" Cas said as he sat back down and held out his hand.

"Relax, I just want to see this friend of yours. Was she sending dirty messages to you Cas?" Dean asked with a teasing voice and Cas rolled his eyes again. Dean tried to unlock the phone. "Aww man! You got a password on this thing?" Now it was Cas's turn to lean back and smirk at him. Dean tried few different words that he thought could be Cas's password to unlock his phone but of course he didn't get it right. Finally he gave up and handed the phone back to Cas with a roll of his eyes and muttering something about _stupid passwords_.

Cas took the phone and pushed it into his pocket with a winner's smile on his lips. His phone vibrated again but he didn't risk unlocking it right now in front of Dean since Dean might snatch it again and Cas might not be as lucky twice in a row, so better keep the phone locked in his pocket.

"Whatever dude, the messages were probably super boring anyway." Dean said and took another sip of his coffee. "When was the last time you have even been on a date by the way? I never see you with anyone but your friends. You got a secret girlfriend somewhere?" Dean asked suddenly and Cas looked up to him with big eyes.

"I umh... It's been a while." Cas answered shyly and looked down to where he was fiddling the hem of his shirt with his fingers.

"So no secret girlfriends or anything?" Dean asked and leaned over the table. Cas quickly glanced at him before turning his gaze back down.

"No, nothing like that." Cas almost whispered. Holy shit this was awkward. Cas hadn't been on a date for ages and the reason for that was sitting right in front of him, asking him why he hasn't been on a date for ages. Cas considered digging a hole all the way to China with the small spoon he had stirred his coffee with.

"Why? I mean you are a good looking guy and not a total dick, girls should be all over you. How come you are still single?" Dean asked and looked at him with a furrowed brow, looking like he was actually trying to come up with a reason for it. Cas thought about what to say for a moment.

"I guess I just... haven't met the right person yet. Or something." Cas said and glanced up to Dean before turning his gaze to his left to look out of the window. Dean looked at him long and quiet with a look on his face that Cas couldn't quite read. Dean's brows were knead together and his mouth was a hard line and he kept staring at Castiel's face.

"You are... into girls tho, aren't you?" Dean asked and Cas didn't know where to look. His eyes flickered from Dean to the window and back to Dean until he lowered his head and concentrated his gaze on his hands. "Oh..." Dean breathed out when he got it. "That's cool Cas. I don't mind and I don't have any problem with it." Dean said and Cas looked up to him shyly.

"Don't tell anyone." Cas said quietly. Cas didn't want people to know, not because he was embarrassed about it, but because it wasn't anyone's business. He wouldn't have wanted Dean to find out but when he had asked Cas about it Cas just couldn't put on a fake smile and lie about it.

"Yeah okay, I won't. Of course." Dean nodded once too many times and looked down to his coffee. Cas felt a tightness around his chest. So now Dean knew and Cas wasn't sure if Dean really was as cool and okay with it as he had said he was. He didn't seem like it. Cas looked at his friend who avoided his gaze and seemed somehow stiff and uncomfortable. Cas sighed and finished his coffee with one go.

"I need to go." Cas said and got up. Dean looked quickly up to him before turning his face towards the table.

"Yeah, okay. See ya Cas." Dean said and Cas walked out of the coffee shop.

When he got out he took his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. The password was Dean's birthday. Two unread messages from Charlie.

_"Cas? Did you tell him?"_

_"Why did you stop answering? What is going on?"_

Cas sighed and pressed 'call' on Charlie's contact. It only rang twice before Charlie answered.

"Hey, what's going on?" Charlie asked.

"So, Dean knows." Cas sighed on the phone and pressed his left hand over his eyes, rubbing it way too hard over the skin.

"What?! He knows about your feelings for him? Did you tell hi--" Charlie was almost screaming but Cas cut him off.

"He knows I'm gay. He doesn't know anything else. Are you home?" Cas asked a little annoyed. Okay maybe more than just a little annoyed.

"Yeah, I am."

"Good, I'm coming over." Cas said and hung up the phone.

It took him less than ten minutes before he was behind Charlie's door and Charlie let him in. Cas fell down on the couch and covered his face with his arms. Charlie sat down on the floor next to the couch.

"What happened?" Charlie asked with a quiet, calm voice. Cas groaned loudly under his arms.

"He stole my phone while I was texting you but he didn't see the messages, I managed to lock the screen before he could see them. Then he started to ask if I was into girls at all and I just couldn't lie to him." Cas said and pressed his hands to his face.

"So you told him you are gay?" Charlie asked.

"I didn't say anything but he definitely got the memo anyway. Then he got all quiet and awkward and I had to get away from there. Then I called you and you know the rest." Cas sighed and let his hands fall off his face.

"He didn't say anything about it?" Charlie asked with wide eyes.

"He said he was cool with it and that he had no problem with it but I'm not sure if he meant it. He could barely even look at me after that." Cas said and turned to look at his friend.

"Oh shit Cas I'm so sorry. That sucks." Charlie said and got up to her knees to hug her friend. Cas wrapped his arms around Charlie in the very weird hug where he was still laying on the couch on his back and Charlie was kneeling on the floor, but they didn't care. They were best friends, almost like siblings to each other. "Maybe he just needs some time to process it." Charlie said when she pulled away and sat back down on the floor.

"Maybe. _Shit_ , if he starts acting weird around me I have to move out. I should have moved out years ago when I first realized that I had feelings for him." Cas slapped his hands back to his face and screamed into them. "I'm such an idiot!!"

"Cas, no you are not. Come on, don't beat yourself over this. If he has a problem with your sexuality then, well, then it's his problem, not yours." Charlie said and took his hand. Cas lowered his other hand from his face too and looked up to the ceiling and sighed.

"Yeah, you are right. I mean, I've known all the time that he isn't into guys so it shouldn't be a surprise to me. I just need to get over him and move on with my life." Cas said and sat up. "You wanna play something?" Cas asked with a smile and Charlie nodded.

It was past nine when Cas finally got back to his dorm room. He opened the door quietly even though he knew Dean wouldn't be asleep yet and that he could see him as soon as he stepped into the room but Cas still felt the need to tiptoe around him.

Dean was sitting on his bed with his laptop open in his lap and he looked up to Cas when he heard him closing the door.

"Hi Cas." Dean said and looked at him. Cas met his gaze and Dean didn't turn away, instead he smiled almost shyly to him. Great, he was acting weird. _Shit_.

"Hello Dean." Cas threw his keys on the table and kicked his shoes off before walking up to his own bed on the opposite side of room from Dean's bed.

"You were gone for a long time." Dean said in a way that sounded more like a statement than a question and Cas shrugged.

"I was at Charlie's." Cas said and took his laptop from the desk. He might as well continue working on that essay they had been talking about with Dean earlier that day.

"She's the redhead, right?" Dean asked and Cas nodded. "Cool. She seems cool." Dean said and turned to look down to his laptop. Cas dig up the file from his laptop and clicked it open.

"Yeah, she is." Cas said, not looking up from his laptop. Dean sighed and pushed his laptop closed.

"Look, Cas... I just wanted to tell you that.." Dean swallowed and drummed his fingers slowly on top of his laptop. Cas looked up to him and waited for him to continue. Dean cleared his throat and looked up to Cas again. "Just wanted to tell you that I'm totally okay with... you being... not into girls and... I have no problem with it and I uh..." Dean seemed so awkward and Cas felt the tightness around his chest again.

"Okay Dean, look, I appreciate that, okay? But we don't need to talk about it. I'm okay with who I am and that is enough for me. So just... Drop it and let me work on this essay, okay?" Cas said, sounding very frustrated even to his own ears.

"Yeah but I just wanted to tell you that I---" Dean started but Cas cut him off.

"Just drop it, okay?" Cas snapped and Dean was clearly taken aback and he nodded after a moment. "Good." Cas said and went back to working on his essay. Every now and then he could feel Dean's eyes on him but he tried to ignore it.

The next weeks were kind of awkward. Cas could tell that Dean tried to act like nothing had happened but Cas could see the change in him. Dean didn't seem as comfortable around Cas anymore as he had before, and suddenly he was being way more helpful towards him that he had ever been before, which Cas found extremely weird. Dean was always offering to go grocery shopping so that Cas wouldn't have to go, and almost daily when Cas got back from school Dean offered to make coffee for him which he had done probably three times before over the years.

A month after Dean had found out Castiel's secret Cas was sitting on his bed with his laptop open in front of him when Dean walked into the room.

"Hi Cas, what's up?" Dean asked with a big smile and Cas shrugged.

"Nothing much. I'm looking for apartments." Cas said like it was nothing. Dean stopped on his tracks and stared at Cas with his mouth hanging open.

"What? Why?" Dean asked, sounding almost scared and Cas looked up to him with a furrowed brow.

"Why do people usually look for apartments? I'm planning on getting my own place. Not buying tho, just renting." Cas said and went back to scrolling through the apartment adds. Suddenly Dean was standing right in front of him.

"Why?" Dean asked and he looked almost... Sad? He had that shocked look still on his face but there was something more too. Cas sighed and pressed the laptop closed and put it next to him on the pillow. He looked up to Dean and apparently Dean understood the look since he sat down next to him.

"Look, Dean... I just feel like ever since you find out about my sexuality you've been acting... well, different. It's been pretty awkward to say the least and I don't want you to have to tiptoe around in your own place so to make this easier for the both of us I'm moving out." Cas said. He almost jumped out of his skin when Dean suddenly took his hand with both of his.

"No! Cas, I don't want you to move out!" Dean said and squeezed his hand so hard it almost hurt.

"What?" Cas asked confused. Cas had thought that this would be the easiest, obvious solution and he had been sure that Dean would be more than okay with it.

"I don't want you to move out. I like living with you and I uh... I like you." Dean said and blushed, looking at Cas from under his lashes. Castiel's heart skipped a beat and he looked at Dean with wide eyes. _What? He couldn't mean that like.... what?_

"What?" Cas asked again, not able to process anything right now. Dean squeezed his hand again and swallowed, his eyes flickering everywhere until he finally looked Castiel in the eyes.

"I uh... I like you Castiel and uh... I've liked you for a long time. I just... I've never liked a guy before, not like this and honestly, I was scared. So scared that I tried to convince myself that my feelings for you weren't real, that I was this hetero-straight manly man everyone always thought I was and... For years I thought you were straight so I saw no point on even trying anything with you. Then I found out that you are into guys and this thought that maybe I could have a chance for something with you scared the shit out of me because... at the same time I was scared about the sheer possibility of it and excited about the same thing and I..." Dean swallowed hard again and looked down to where he was holding Castiel's hand. Cas tried to wrap his head around everything Dean had just said and he felt like he couldn't get a hold of any of it.

"You... Like me?" Cas finally asked and Dean chuckled a little, shaking his head to himself.

"Yeah, I do. Sorry if it's weird, I don't expect you to feel the same way about me and I totally understand that you don't. And I just now realize that this probably made you want to move out even more, oh my god I'm an idiot." Dean said and pulled his hand away to cover his face. Cas still didn't know what to say and he just kept staring at Dean with his mouth open in shock.

"So all the girls you've been with since we started college...?" Cas asked, or at least tried to.

"Most of them left me because I didn't want to have sex with them. I did with some of them, but not all. I was using them to distract myself from you but then I couldn't even have sex with them because all I could think about how much better it would be if it was you and not just some girl." Dean lowered his hand from his face and looked up at Cas with sad and scared eyes.

"Dean, I..." Cas started and Dean sighed.

"I get it. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you'd want anything more than friendship with me. I know, it's okay Cas." Dean said and got up from the bed but before he could step away Cas took a grip of his wrist and pulled him back down.

"No Dean, that's not what I was going to say." Cas said and then smiled at him. "Do you know why I haven't been on a date in a long long time?" He asked and Dean just looked at him for a moment with a confused look on his face.

"Umm... Because there isn't any gay guys around the campus?" Dean guessed, obviously once again completely oblivious to where Cas was going with this. Cas let his head fall forward and he shook it with a chuckle.

"You really are an idiot Dean." Cas laughed and Dean let out an offended huff. "There are plenty of gay guys on this campus, believe me. But I couldn't go out with any of them because it would have felt so wrong. How could I go out with someone and let them think that I was into them at all when my heart was already taken by someone else?" Cas asked and lifted a hand on Dean's cheek, swiping his thumb over his cheekbone gently. Dean's eyes widened when he finally got it.

"Do you mean....?" Dean asked quietly.

"I like you too Dean. I more than like you." Cas smiled sweetly and after a second Dean smiled back at him. "And you do know that you can totally be a manly man even if you are into guys too?" Cas asked with a smile and Dean chuckled.

"Cas?" Dean asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?" Dean whispered and a blush spread over his cheeks. Cas let out a tiny laugh and nodded.

"I'd like that. Yes." Cas smiled and Dean moved slowly closer until their lips were pressed together.

Castiel did move out few months later, but so did Dean. They found their first own home just outside the campus. They called it their first home because that small dorm room didn't count, even though it held a special place in both of their hearts since that's where their life long story started.


End file.
